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Survivors > Domestic Violence > Identifying D.V.

Identifying if you are being abused

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Emotional abuse is often minimized, yet it can leave deep and lasting scars.

Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to physical violence and even murder. And while physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse are also severe. No one deserves to be abused and your first step to breaking free is recognizing that your situation is abusive. Once you acknowledge the reality of the abusive situation, then you can get the help you need.

By ones partner

Sometimes, however, it is hard and confusing to admit that you are in an abusive relationship, or to find a way out. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the following warning signs and descriptions of abuse, don't hesitate to reach out.

Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings - Do you:

-Feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
-Avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
-Feel that you can't do anything right for your partner?
-Believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
-Wonder if you're the one who's crazy?
-Feel emotionally numb or helpless?

Your Partner's Behaviour - Does your partner:

-Humiliate or yell at you?
-Criticize you and put you down?
-Treat you so badly that you're embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
-Ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
-Blame you for his own abusive behavior?
-See you as property or a sex object rather than a person?
-Have a bad or unpredictable temper?
-Hurt you or threaten to hurt/kill you?
-Threaten to take your children away or harm them?
-Threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
-Destroy your belongings?
-Force you to have sex?
-Act excessively jealous or possessive?
-Control where you go and what you do?
-Keep you from seeing your friends and family?
-Limit your access to money, the phone or the car?
-Constantly check up on you?

By ones natal/marital family

Within Indian families, women face abuse at the hands of their natal/marital family as well. At the outset it may be difficult for one to accept that one is living in an abusive family because one would then have to attempt coming out of it into an unknown world. It also requires strength to accept that there is abuse since it comes from near and dear ones. If you are at a stage where youre wondering whether your situation is serious, you should ask yourself the following questions. If the answer is yes, you are an abusive family.

-Am I afraid of my own family member?
-Do I face any threat of physical hurt?
-Are the things I care about being destroyed?
-Am I being prevented from doing things like leaving the house, seeing friends etc.?
-Am I being blamed or called names when things do wrong?
-Am I being humiliated in front of others?
-Are my finances being controlled? or Am I being pressured to bring in more money?
-Am I punished for misbehaving?
-Do I feel unwanted or unloved?

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